female Birth control isnt full-proof. Which is funny, since weve been telling right wingers that all along. You mean, a man shouldnt be able to decide to throw money at his child, but never once be involved whatsoever in the childs life?. Still, if I were the LW and I saw my newly reunited BF acting this way about his soon to be born child, Id get the heck out of there. But theres a huge amount of anger here over the fact that he didnt, even though theres no statement by the LW either way. Wether he likes it or not, shes keeping the baby. Its none of your business. She cant afford a child on her own. If he didnt want a child he should have better protected himself. The point you bring up here is why I cant wrap my head around one night stands. Im NOT saying she should abort, just that shes an idiot & she shouldnt expect a one-night stander to suddenly be a father. ReginaRey A guy does have every right to tell her look, Im not ready to do this. If you and a person you want to sleep with are not on the same page on what should happen in case of accidental pregnancy, dont have sex with them. How many times have we read articles like that and think to ourselves couldnt you have just left the baby with family or at the hospital rather than kill it.. Hes scum because he abandoned a woman he impregnated.. He hides me as well as the other girl. And without condoms?! But anyway, in case its not fake if this guy isnt lying about only knowing this woman for two minutes then yeah, shes an idiot for wanting to keep the baby. She experiences an allergic reaction and has to be rushed to the hospital. Thats not the point here. Its not yours to deal with. Waitplease have an abortion and i prefer you have an abortion aredifferent? Susie can do what she wants but he wants nothing to do with it. April 10, 2012, 10:20 pm. (yes, I know, lifes unfair). April 9, 2012, 12:23 pm. Case in point: my mother was mentally ill, verbally and physically abusive, and vindictive enough to hurt my siblings and I just to spite my father, and she STILL got joint custody. If the woman is not required to support a child Made my day! Not good enough. Also, if the other woman keeps the baby, this is going to provide significant insight into her boyfriends character that will help her make her decision. Pardon my French but if youre going to stick your dick into a stranger, you need to take birth control into your own hands and not rely on her word alone. and our Steve Kellmeyer Ive heard of stuff like this from friends of mine, where theyve been in relationships and their BF finds out his ex got pregnant and blah blah blah so take it as you will, I guess. You have a guy who knew someone for like two seconds and jumped into bed with them. Or shes financially and emotionally ready to have a baby. Now, I want to believe him, but in my rightful mind I know I will be so dumb to buy all that he is say. Hi. This whole thing could have been prevented that way. I want to get angry but I don't know if it's considered cheating. It really isnt fair, but that doesnt mean we have to make it more unfair. But I have no tolerance for the ones who cry foul after the fact when it hasnt gone their way. I know you have to keep the possibility in the back of your mind, but youve really been ready and willing for motherhood every time youve decided to sleep with someone? April 9, 2012, 6:41 pm, bittergaymark and its also appalling that he would order a woman to abort. Malarky. Its because of biology, and a legal system that puts the interests of the child above the interests of the parent. hes signing up for sex, not fatherhood. Now, yes, people will say: Forgive him. Regardless of whether or not he wants to stay with this women he impregnanted, do NOT stay with him yourself! So, again, why are you crying and being depressed over him? I was just 6 months into a relationship when I got pregnant. Ill never leave you. The research on on-again/off-again couplesthose that break up and get back together multiple timesindicates that some of the most common reasons for getting back together with an ex include . * However, if you bang and get knocked up by tiger woods (quite possible given his standards) you will be set for life and hence a lottery win is born. Deal with it, ladies. I've always felt like I was put on this planet to be a mom, but when . Its such a heated issue, because everyone knows someone that has some sort of baby-mama-drama on one side or the other. Steve Kellmeyer The decision to have sex is not a decision to have a child, but it always carries that risk. Im an okder Dude but thats what we used to do. Because one of the known outcomes is happening to him and hes pissed at someone else. Gain some maturity and realize that you have no part in this decision, shes decided to keep the baby, shes the one who will be carrying the baby, raising the baby, etc Grow up LW and dump him. Or, she may have seemed supportive during the relationship, but . These are very common questions going through a guy's mind when he finds out his ex had a baby with someone else and now wants him back. I think your anger is severely displaced and I think I know why if you evaluate the situation without being blinded by your inability to live without this guy, you would see that his true character is shining through and its probably not someone you really want to be with. iseeshiny "My mom got pregnant from a one-night-stand at 16. If the other woman decides to have the baby, her now boyfriend will be liable for child support, which will significantly impact his finances (and their finances if they marry for the next 18 years. So, stop with the 19th century stuff about doing the right thing. Women have complete reproductive autonomy. It doesnt sound like shes ready or willing to deal with him having fathered a child, especially if he changes his mind and wants to be a part of its life. It happens, no matter what precautions are taken, unless you opt out of sex. Hes responsible for the choices that brought him where he is now. Stop being a whiny spectator in your own life. April 9, 2012, 12:31 pm. He hadnt. She told him she got pregnant on the pill, which I think is a lot of cod wallop. Hold the phone. Because, since you cannot prevent pregnancy and you cannot prevent sexual transmission of disease, I see no other way to look at it. I love him so I'm willing to accept the baby. Do something to not have one! | Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | Essence.com Advertising Terms. reader, marissa0916+, writes (26 August 2015): A Your bf cant stop her from having the baby. I am no worse for never knowing my biological father, who paid child support, and being raised alone by my mother. You have no opinion in this matter. If a guy wants absolutely to avoid becoming a father, he is responsible for using additional BC or not having sex with women if he doesnt know what their stance on unintended pregnancy would be. Wrong. illinois obituaries 2020 . Argh. Some said he deserved the label because he exposed the LW to STDs. During the time we both were studying for the bar, we were on a break. im not disagreeing with you. But let me make a few suggestions Steve. I mean, seriously. Thats what IVF is for either the male or the female gives of their own gametes. lets_be_honest I dont think anyone thinks hes an ass for having sex with someone after a split. I find it enjoyable to do because it makes him happy, and it turns me on to get him so turned on. People arent calling him scum for having unprotected sex with a women he was dating. Yes, its true it is past the point. I mean for fuck sake? If there is no child at conception Its called lying. It is amazing to me to see the vitriol that men are carrying on with talking about paying money towards the health and well being of a child that they helped create. The family structure is dynamic and without balance, falls apart. Year 1970. People in healthy relationships say things like despite the circumstances that broke us up, we realized our relationship was worth working past those things by doing xyz Finally, the letter reads as a teenagers temper tantrum. Im surprised that you guys dont recognize Chuck. If you dont want to potentially end up with a kid with a woman you cant stand, dont have sex with her. If a man has sex with a woman he should be prepared for the possibility that it could result in child support payments. April 10, 2012, 6:32 pm. Doesnt have to be romantically involved with this woman, but he wants nothing to do with the child that he helped to create, or the woman he cant stand. oy. Man is in quotes becuase no man abandons a woman that he impregnates. SweetsAndBeats You shouldnt be following so closely behind someone that if they were to suddenly slam on their brakes you wouldnt be able to stop (for a billboard, for a kid running across the street, because theyre being dicks, ect). April 9, 2012, 12:52 pm. Way to break a young girl's heart. But, you allowed him to call and you were hoping he had changed. Nobody wants to refute what John says in his first post. The fact that the courts have found that men should be obligated to support mistakes is motivated by a desire to secure the welfare of the child. She didnt roofie him, Chuck. iseeshiny The guy and the woman had sex. They can both make a choice but only Susie must physically implement the plan. I think that is fair. Really? Have you ever seen an episode of the Maury show or any other talk drama show? He sounds a bit flakey. I would love, just ONCE on this site, for one of the male commenters to address shitty man behavior. Already Tired of the Baby Malarky. She still doesnt get it, but we tried. Terms of Use and Privacy Policy. It is my biggest pet peeve when a woman blames the other woman for her boyfriends stupid actions. any story where a man was forcibly stopping someone from getting an abortion- Yes, that is terrible of the man in question. And how do you know you wouldnt do the same thing she is? Id at least like a comment from the LW, since, as much fun as this has been, I do agree that it seems not unlikely that the letter is contrived. Its a difficult question. So while support is gender-blind, the points that get you to the question of support arent, which kind of means support isnt either. reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2008): A First, if you cant live without someone, why did you need a break? ], Chuck Pelto I dont know what to think or believe. April 9, 2012, 10:00 pm, No, I actually think that of us effectively use condoms Most of the dumb idiots I know that knocked girls up all thought they were safe because they were told all was well, Im on the pill PS. April 10, 2012, 11:43 am. My boyfriend broke up with me when I was 10 weeks pregnant. I have tried to encourage him to stay with this woman soley because of this pregnancy, but he wants me and wants to marry me as he said all along, and he is furious with this woman for keeping the baby after only knowing each other two minutes. Ever since U.S. I mean, hey, we certainly couldnt be any more careless or reckless with this precious gift than women keep on proving to be, landygirl Then how does the woman get off require the man to do it? No law can change the fact that whatever choice a man or woman in this position makes, the woman has the burden of actually carrying out the birth or abortion. This guy, you can most definitely live without. Id like to hear your explanation as to why that should not be the case. Hes a scumbag and your only choices are (1) say so now and be rid of him, or (2) wait 5 or 10 years and say Why didnt I see this 5 or 10 years ago? By then you may be after him for child support yourself, and good luck with that therell be at least one in line ahead of you every payday. In a feature I call Your Turn, in which you, the readers, get to answer the question, Im presenting the following letter without commentary from me: I told him to stay with her and have this family as I dont want to be any cause for them breaking up, but he told me there was no way he was staying with her because he cant stand her. 1. BUT. So deal with that. April 10, 2012, 7:10 pm. There was a single picture of my ex-boyfriend, his then-girlfriend, and their first child. He ejaculates thats it. He didnt marry you. So for someone I love and care deeply about, its enjoyable. Thanks for noticing, though. And, you are not the choice. Im guessing thats where most of us got the idea that he was trying to push it on her. Nope. Fuck yes, he shouldnt have a choice in that. That isnt the case. These Are The 5 Signs Your Ex Is In A Rebound Relationship. Everyone knows it. But I dont see anything in the letter that means he must be. *ETA: also, most of my comments on here are usually light-heardely dumbed down just to lighten the mood a little. Women have two- before sex, and after they find out theyre pregnant. Im sorry, but sex creates children. The hand and fingers were all bright red and black-and-blue under the nails. I think that gives you a little time to get on her good side and work on those shortcomings. I was dating my ex girlfriend for 7 months before she broke up with me. Glad to see youve really listened to fellow commentators, reflection on their contributions carefully and made a meaningful contribution to the DW community. However, my father got primary physical placement, and my mother got 4 hours of visitation a week, and THAT is what dictated child support (or would have if she could have afforded to pay it). In this situation, there would be no contest of custody or support. Sounds like he found something easy, and easy cost a lot.money and happiness. an objective reading of the circumstances she describes suggests that its a legitimate consideration.. Its not a complex procedure. This child will have no father and while I dont feel bad for the parents, I feel very bad for this child. bittergaymark Having placement, on the other hand, does, and what Im saying is that when it comes down to where are the kids going to stay, in situations where everything else is equal, the default position is still with the mother in most courts, with the fathers visitation dependent on how close to equal the two parents are. When someone else makes a decision that massively affects my life for the worse and disregards my preferences, it makes me angry and frustrated. Its a crappy scenarios but shit happens, and theres really nothing YOU can do about it. T he mystery of Tom's sudden baby endured until several years ago when I looked him up on Facebook. I know of a jumpmaster who lost his nose and ears for being too bold doing the one-minute door check in severe cold weather. Placement deals with where they are physically. Have an abortion or Ill be furious = Have fries with that or Ill be furious > Psycho. There is no rhyme or reason. Shall I and all the other taxpayers? Im guessing that shes in the UK or Ireland, or perhaps New England. I agree that condoms provide significantly better protection than not wearing anything. April 10, 2012, 7:22 pm. lets_be_honest Like being pregnant isnt massively uncomfortable.
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