Whos there? Its almost a law. Im a friend and all Im going to do is give it a nice little ride. Sam Snead, 35. How can you tell which golfer is a womanizer? Is your body a shot that comes up short on the 17th hole of the Old Course at St. Andrews because I can see it rolling around in the sand? Philip Wyeth, Hitting down is an important part of iron play. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip. 1. Many of these expressions of life, result in taking the form of wishes, quotes, greetings, messages, and captions. Like chess, golf is a game that is forever challenging but can never be conquered. Harvey Penick, 10. If you think its hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. Jack Lemmon, a true comedian on and off the course. Sir W.G. Which is the easiest golf stroke? As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact a 7-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball. See you in the Email! And only one secret has emerged, one swing of thought that always works. 22. I'm a bit tired, so can we just play your backside tonight? The 18 Best Golf Movies You Need To Watch In 2023, Top 14 Golf Podcasts You Should Listen To (Updated 2023), 7 Left Handed Golf Tips To Crush The Competition, 50 Side-Splitting Golf Puns & Jokes For Any Situation, Practicing Golf At Home: 10 Tricks To Improve Your Game. He hauls off and whacks onebig hitter, the Lamalong, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. They dont have the heart for it. fodrizzle. Hi there! So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. "Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.". What do you call a blonde at a golf course? Figure out your weakness and dont make it your weakness anymore. Stacy Lewis, 60. His comment gets at a few things: the wondrous and fascinating aspects of the game and its tendency to make bold-faced liars of its participants. Fantastic 4-some. 8. It can be rewarding. Ben Hogan, Give me golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. She makes sure he practices having a stroke first to make sure he's handicapped when he meets a blond working at one. I had a hole in nothing. Robert Fuller Murray, Golf is a fascinating game. How many does he do?, Man: Well, that depends on how hard I kick him in the ass.. "One of the reasons Arnie Palmer is playing so well is that, before each final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them. To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. What do you do after a round of 18 on a hot sunny day? ", Share these images with quotes about funny golf with family, friends, mates, colleagues, and all your acquaintances. Golf: a game where you yell fore, you get six, and you write five. Your email address will not be published. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.". THE MATERIAL ON THIS SITE MAY NOT BE REPRODUCED, DISTRIBUTED, TRANSMITTED, CACHED OR OTHERWISE USED, EXCEPT WITH THE PRIOR WRITTEN PERMISSION OF DISCOVERY GOLF, INC. 2023 DISCOVERY GOLF, INC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, 15 very funny (and occasionally inappropriate) golf memes, 17 Awful (But Mostly Funny) Golf Fails from 2013, This new Top Flite commercial is sophomoric, inappropriate, and very funny. The most important shot in golf is the next one. I love you and I want you to stay with me., Woman: You dont understandIm a hooker., Man: That is no problem, darlin, you probably just have too strong a grip.. "If you break 100, watch your golf. Big pupils lead to big scores. Bruce Lansky. When is it too wet to play golf? A young golfer was playing in his first PGA Tour event. He doesnt hit the ball very far, but it goes straight. You must be over 18 years old to visit this site. Joey Adams, A well-hit golf shot is a feeling that goes up the shaft, right through your hands, and into your heart. A lot of Seniors love playing golf and also, they love jokes. The man took a step back from his ball, closed his eyes and said a quick prayer. P.G. Regardless of time, place, situation, event, or occasion, it is in our human nature, to learn and express. You will find the quotes being used everywhere, coming from ordinary people like us, who are just famous. H. G. Wells, The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie. You can talk about strategy all you want, but what really matters is resiliency. Hale Irwin, 50. ~ George Bernard Shaw. Ellis Parker Butler, Its good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. Show Business is just to pay the greens fees." Golfing Quotes "Golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a -- Winston Churchill "Give me the fresh air, a beautiful partner, and a nice round of golf and you can keep the fresh air and the -- Jack Benny "You can make a lot of money in this game. I collected hilarious jokes about golfing; some are very clean and others are like an old golf ball: pretty used and dirty. Concentrate on the one fault you want to overcome. Sam Snead, 55. Why dont grasshoppers play golf? Sam Snead, Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun. Bring some friends, and we can play a foursome. I have always had a drive that pushed me to try for perfection, and golf is a game that perfection stays just out of reach. Betsy Rawls, 12. Tell me what your favorite sports game is, and I will tell you, who you are. Diller's comment is a great take on a bit of traditional golf advice. Ahole in oneis amazing when you think of the different universes this white mass of molecules has to pass through on its way to the hole. Well have whatever Mac OGrady is smoking. 20. The great champions have all come back from defeat. Sam Snead. "Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.". USE OF AND/OR REGISTRATION ON ANY PORTION OF THIS SITE CONSTITUTES ACCEPTANCE OF OURVISITOR AGREEMENT(UPDATED 1/6/23),PRIVACY AND COOKIES NOTICE(UPDATED 1/4/23) ANDCALIFORNIA PRIVACY NOTICE. The smile looks really good on you. Palmer calmly said, What the hell do you want it to back up for?. "If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.". Seeing the astonished look on her face, he calmly said, "Well, you said I had to choose, right?" Gerald Ford, If there is any larceny in a man, golf will bring it out. You may have heard these renowned quotes about funny golf before. The flowing robes, the grace, bald striking. Don Carter Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose. Golfing is a lot like masturbation. Drops him off at the golf course! For true success, it matters what our goals are. See more ideas about golf humor, golf, humor. With trust, it feels like you and your golf club are partners dancing as one. Why was Cinderella such a poor golfer? Discover the views of a person who feels the same way we do. What do you call a lion playing golf? Mike was still deep in his routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. What did Master Yoda say when Luke sliced the ball onto the next fairway over? We share them in our weekly newsletter. I am a Musician. Golf Club Distance & Driving Distances for Women Golfers, Providing a Community & Womens Golf Resources, How to Build Consistency in Your Golf Game, Golf is Hard. The little dog starts to yip and stands up on its hind legs. I like big putts and I cannot lie. Billy Graham, Show me a man who is a good loser and Ill show you a man who is playing golf with his boss. Where is the best place to go on vacation? How many strokes was that? We have compiled the best list of pick up lines with references to golf style, golf clubs, golf course, and various famous golf celebrity. Full Text: Thank you for still being my friend even though I only talk about my horse and I smell like a barn. Ben Hogan, The golf swing has been endlessly analyzed, and yet it still remains a mystery. The cat crawls out at night to smoke them and we are trying to get him to quit. The little ball that sat motionless, defying you to hit it. He always puts his driver in the wrong bag. I was off to-day! I chipped in from the rough! Phyllis Diller, with her outrageous teased hair and housewife caricature stage persona, was a master of delivery and comedic timing. Golf is very much like a love affair. If you break 80, watch your business. Ive played the game for 50 years and I still havent the slightest idea of how to play. Gary Player, 39. Paul Harvey, While playing golf today I hit two good balls. Short Golf Sayings And Quotes For Good Luck Shots, Funny Golf Quotes For Ladies And Gentlemen, TOP 30 Best Sayings On Theory | Free Hd Wallpaper Pictures Download, TOP 30 Meaningful Sayings On Sweet Love | Free Hd Background Images Download, TOP 30 Notable Quotes About Subtle | Free Hd Wallpaper Pictures Download, TOP 30 Meaningful Quotes About Volunteerism | Free Hd Background Images Download, TOP 30 Top Quotes About Snuggle | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 27+ Revolutionary Sayings On Hysterical | Free Hd Background Images Download, TOP 30 Favorite Sayings About Hypocrites | Free Hd Background Images Download, 92+ Meaningful Sayings About Hypocrisy | Free Hd Wallpaper Images Download, 21+ Creative Sayings About Hypnosis | Free Hd Wallpaper Pictures Download, 12+ Beautiful Sayings On Hype | Free Hd Background Pictures Download. What did Sir Mixalot say after sinking a 14-footer on the green, saving a terrible 3rd stroke into the rough? Keep your sense of humor. The means are as important as the ends. I've got some good news. "Gunga galunga gunga, gunga-galunga." Pretty is as pretty does. Harvey Penick, 61. I bet that hurts a whole lot worse than tennis elbow?. Golfing? What did the golfer say after performing yoga? How about you be my caddy and wash my balls tonight? Obviously I'm a man that loves Gatorade and I'd definitely like to raid your gato. Please read here for more information. Tiagra. Features: Size: 7x18 inches Made from solid knotty pine Beveled edges Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Some of the best cowboys aren't boys Features: Size: 7x7 inches Made from solid knotty pine Flat edges for shelf-sitting Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Because if you aren't hurt, you're not really trying. You look like you'd be a great ball-washer. No defenders, no game clock, no excuses. There is no such thing as a natural touch. People may find dirty jokes shocking or disgusting, but no one can deny they're funny as hell! It's included here because of the hilarious mental image it evokes. Find the ball. You swing left and the ball goes right. Whos there? How would you like to do something I won't do for anyone on the PGA tour? Hey babycan you suck a golf ball through 50 feet of garden hose? After several minutes of pondering how to hit the shot, the old man says, You know, when I was your age, Id hit the ball right over that tree. With the challenge before him, the young man swings hard, hits the ball, watches it fly into the branches, rattle around, and land with a thud a foot from where it had started. Wodehouse, The value of routine; trusting your swing. It will dazzle and baffle you with highs and lows, successes and frustrations. Amy Alcott, 18. 3. "Golf is my profession. The guys who come I'm known on the tour for having a lengthy club. See more ideas about golf quotes funny, golf, golf quotes. Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because it cannot count, criticize, or laugh. How many golfers does it take to change a lightbulb? He was puttering around. His playing partner: Wow that was one of the most beautiful things that I have ever witnessed., Man: Well, I was married to her for 30 years.. And three, have a passion for what youre doing. Juli Inkster, 28. A little girl was at her first golf lesson when she asked a question. You either need to learn to drink or take up golf. Turns out Im not a good scotch drinker. nay I my child, and eke, oh! As he is about to tee off, an old gentleman shuffles onto the tee and asks if he can join him. had to choose, right ? My three keys to success: One, work hard. However, it's been poisoned for me by the fact that it was often relayed to customers at a golf course I worked at by an overweight 90-year-old man while I awkwardly feigned amusement in repeated moments of shared weirdness. What do you call a blonde at a golf course? Or under. 6. Dont break your heart, but flirt with the possibility. Louise Suggs, 8. Draw a mental image of where you want it to go and then eliminate everything else from your mind, except how you are going to get the ball into that preferred spot. Sam Snead, 46. What is the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball lost in the rough? Answer: Roarin Mcilroy. Because he thought every day he needed to play around. Learn More. 2. Dirty Golf Sayings. 23+ Revolutionary Sayings From Corrie Ten Boom | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 52+ Knowledgeable Sayings On Cosmetologist | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 43+ Motivating Sayings On Hungry | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, TOP 50 Inspirational Golf Quotes & Sayings | Download Images, 58+ Funny Tennis Quotes | Free Images & Pictures Download, TOP 50 Funny Sports Quotes | HD Images & Pictures Download. I`m really worried about myself. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it. The famed author of Centaur, John Updike wrote about the gentleman's game with some regularity. Why are computers such naturally good golfers? 21. Tiger Woods can drive a ball three hundred yards! Knock, knock Boo. Joe Tessitore, The least thing upset him on the links. Golf: A five-mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments. Mini Golf Captions. Golf is the easiest game in the world. "The most important shot in golf is the next one." - Ben Hogan "I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators." - Gerald R. Ford "The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie." - Mickey Mantle "To find a man's true character, play golf with him." - P.G. Ewan McGregor, It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. Two rounds a day are plenty. Lift your head and spread your legs. A smart shot is when you dont have the guts to try it. Phil Mickelson, 4. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker. A young man with a few hours to spare one afternoon figures that if he hurries and plays very fast, he can get in nine holes before he has to head home. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? After 18 holes I can barely walk. A dinner without wine. I know what to look for. The pressure originates in yourself; it builds from doubts. My doctor told me I cant play golf. Oh, when did he play with you?. You okay with that? You need to adjust your grip. However, every person playing the game has the basis of good mental skills for golf. We use cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyones game: its called an eraser. Arnold Palmer, the King of golf and comedy apparently. Intercourse! 150 Puns From All Walks of Life. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. Lansky's quote is funny because, well, as golfers we're all a little bit masochistic. Her husband thought that this was a riot and laughing said, Right train, wrong ticket., The wife failed to see the humor and not cracking a smile replied, No sleeper cars on that train either, Best Dad Jokes - the Good, the Bad, the Terrible, Fun Game: Jokes and Riddles Conversation Starters. Showing 1 to 56 of 56 entries Click me to show the form! Go back in time and start playing at a younger age. 4. Check out these hilarious jokes that are guaranteed to make you smile. It was a sunny Saturday morning, and Mike was beginning his pre-shot routine, visualizing his upcoming shot when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker: Would the gentleman on the Ladies tee please back up to the mens tee, please!. Wanna be my caddy? Golf Skirts & Golf Skorts Stylish, Fun & Comfortable. Their fore-fathers! Furthermore, the old man moves along without wasting any time. "I'll kiss you on the rain so you get twice as wet". The mark of a great player is in his ability to come back. He sat down next to a beautiful blonde. 2. Not just in the game, but that can be applied to life, relationships and ones mindset. William Topaz McGonagall, Golf epitomizes the tame world. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. Boo who? Why do golfers put minus signs in front of their scores? Simpson, Most people play a fair game of golf If you watch them. 9. 20. Yiha, you are already subscribed with this email :). Damn, girl. He attacks it. What does masturbation and 4 putting have in common? Fore! It took one afternoon on the golf course. Clubbing. Theres enough stress in the rest of your life not to let bad shots ruin a game youre supposed to enjoy. Amy Alcott, 15. And it matters how we go about attaining them. I derive a great deal of pleasure from it, but it is disgusting to watch. Of course, after painting the Mona Lisa, you'll likely soon be back to bleeding. A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf I stepped on a rake. Henny Youngman in a high-pitched voice. Ben Hogan, I know I am getting better at golf because Im hitting fewer spectators. If you drink, dont drive. Hank Aaron, Golf, golf, golf is all the story! Have a look at these best picture quotes of funny golf. if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); G.K. Chesterton, I dont like to watch golf on television because I cant stand people who whisper. So what are you waiting for? I promise to lick your balls clean and polish your shaft before and after each use during the upcoming golf season. Top Ten Golf Phrases That Sound Dirty But Aren't: 10. The Dalai Lama himself. I hope you like it rough because I don't replace my divots. Is everything okay?. "The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.". In the Golf of Mexico! It took one afternoon on the golf course. Hank Aaron, owner of 755 home runs and one amazing golf quote. The most redundant thing on a golf course is a ball-washer on a hole with water hazards. Ted Ray, I started watching golf for the first time yesterday. . You must remember not to remember to think.

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