It felt as if we had gone power crazy. 80 percent of my pregnancies have ended in death and I felt like they were telling me those babies didn't matter. We've joined the grown-ups and we both feel very different. And again, you know, you read all the books and it tells you 'this is the diagnostics', but after a while you don't hear that inside your head any more No, no, no, I'm fine - because everything's perfect. It sounds crazy, but I just knew. I tried not to sit still for too long, because then I became too aware of the little thing inside me. I am a darker, harder version of myself. I couldn't have the added responsibility for changing his mind. Back on the EPU unit, a doctor organised for me to be admitted into the ward, to take the medical management under supervision as the sac was now to big for me to safely miscarry on my own at home. My baby might have Down's syndrome. He's now had the all clear and is wriggling round on . But other than that everything was fine. The week that followed was an agonising wait. The pain was bearable but uncomfortable, the hospital rang me a few days later and asked me how I was. See more information about the 20-week ultrasound scan. And it turned out the baby's heart wasn't forming properly, the chambers weren't forming properly. With my oldest it turns out she has a minor thing that affects 1 in 1000 of the population and wont harm her at all it's just "there" and with my second the issue turned out to be nothing. Some stories I hear are amazing! The appointment usually takes around 30 minutes. He looked excited. You may like someone to come with you to the scan appointment. I think at that time she had come to terms better with the fact that this baby was going to be terminated, and I don't think I was quite there. There was an extra digit on one of the hands. All the time, the baby was kicking and I felt like a murderer waiting to strike her victim. It was just a few little things like the kidneys were hard to find, and the stomach was hard to find, but that might be because it wasn't filled with fluid. We went in, had a scan, I can't remember the exact sequence of events because the baby was still in the wrong position. So it was quite common, this is what happens. The baby kicked, blissfully unaware of what I had done. x. The sonographer will be able to tell you the results of the scan at the time. Instinctively, did it feel right? Two days, after on Christmas Eve, (my 12 week date) I had more blood tests. For instance a couple who knew their baby was 'on the small size' were told he was fine at the 18-20 week scan, but discovered at 32 weeks that he had microcephaly. Yeah - in, stomach, out. And she said that, you know, as the, if the baby did develop further there would probably be other problems with internal organs that weren't really that visible at that stage. So she said, 'Come back on Monday. Later, I did see and hold our baby. I can't remember the exact words but she said, 'There might be some fatal problems with your baby'. I'd had the scan in the scanning room, I can't remember what they call it now, it's silly, it's gone from my head. Others said they were shocked because all the early diagnostic tests (e.g. Sometimes a post mortem was needed to confirm the 20-week diagnosis to see if the baby had inherited a genetic problem (such as Fowler syndrome - see '. We couldn't say we'd lost the baby, because he was still kicking away, but we couldn't pretend everything was fine, either. If one of the conditions is found or suspected, the sonographer may ask for a second opinion from another member of staff. . So we decided to book an early 10 week private scan. The doctor explained the options I had to manage my miscarriage. Thick milky discharge at 14 weeks.tmi pic attached. And I know I can't hurry up the process of grieving. But you could see there was something wrong? Has anyone been told the wrong sex at 20 week scan? I didn't really know what that was. Though the 18-20 week scan can detect when certain parts of the baby's body have grown abnormally, it may not be possible for clinicians to identify why it has happened or make a firm diagnosis based on the scan alone. We had the baby cremated. The Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists (RCOG) have produced a report on Termination of Pregnancy for Fetal Abnormality in England, Scotland and Wales (May 2010). I tried to keep positive. Specialist scans are performed in specialist fetal units and if clinicians feel that there might be problems scanning will be done up to 32 weeks. When he came back, he agreed on a termination. The thing that I have a very strong memory of is this child's face in amazing detail. But before he could speak, he, too, had broken down. And I went for, I went for a normal 12-week scan, at my local hospital and everything, they said everything was fine, there was no problem. Unfortunately I was not met with a compassionate sonographer. Had 34wk scan last week and all is well - of all the babies found to have a two vessel cord, was told less than 6% experience any growth issues etc. So, in the end, we said we would arrange our own funeral. And before they gave me any of the results she asked a colleague to come and told me she wanted to check something, with a colleague, and by then I was getting very concerned because I'd never had that happen before. 26/09/2019 22:46. What happens at the second midwife appointment? I think they perhaps could have done, if they had looked a bit closely. Never lacking a sense of the dramatic, it felt as if we shared the responsibility for the terrible, dirty act that we had committed. Just wonder whether anyone had ever been told? I hadn't thought about the mechanics of such a late termination, but had assumed it would mean some kind of operation. I noticed the box of tissues on the table. It was sick. Again, we weren't understood. 18-20 week scans provide clinicians with more information than earlier scans because by18 weeks a healthy baby should be larger and better developed. So at least then we went to that next stage prepared for the worst really. I endured 12 hours of medication and in the early hours February 7, 56 days after my first scan (at nearly 18 weeks), I miscarried our babies. It's a bit at the back of the brain and - no I can't remember what it is - it's called, it's something that's called Dandy-Walker mal, The Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists (RCOG) have produced a report on Termination of Pregnancy for Fetal Abnormality in England, Scotland and Wales (May 2010). But it is a soft marker for Edwards' syndrome. . We had the 20 week scan yesterday and got some devastating news. We talked all night and thanked God for crap television. I took my vitamins, stuck to the healthy diet and put on a brave face. This was on the Friday. As I waited for the doctor back on the EPU unit. And it's, I can't remember exactly what it was now, it's about where the brain is supposed to form. Sometimes women were told that the sonographer had found a 'marker' or sign of a chromosomal condition and had to wait for an amniocentesis to confirm the findings. Where we were living then at the time you only had a scan at 20 weeks. Some people we talked to had not had a 18-20-week scan, either because their babies' abnormalities had been detected by earlier . So I sort of went home quite, fairly kind of happy and I, at, at this point I hadn't any idea things could go wrong anyway. I know its hard- but i really wouldnt worry about it too much as the worry will stress you and your body out. I had no idea if we were doing the "right" thing. It was a bit worrying but on the plus side I got an extra couple of scans and an extra couple of pictures. How was that scan different from the dating scan? But it was very evident. That was an extremely difficult day. The scan can provide information that may mean you have to make further, important decisions. the amniocentesis) and the pregnancy had already ended, or because the scan was not routinely offered in their region 5 or more years ago. He told me that they may want to do blood tests, but that 'he didn't see the point'. Specialist scans had a powerful effect on some parents because they could see the baby more clearly and in some cases people recognised which parts of the baby's body were not working properly. So on the Monday we went in to see the senior sonographer, I think she was a consultant at the hospital. A long process of blood tests, scans, doctors and hospitals. So he was about two weeks smaller than what he should have been. I felt more informed, and I felt that that was what I needed in my head to see you know, that I've got to accept now that this, all these things are real on the screen and this was really my baby that's suffering all these things [sighs], but I was sad as well. We use some essential cookies to make this website work. Which is what I'd seen. unfortunately the 20 week anomaly scan can pick up serious issues, hearing heart beats at midwife appointment doesn't let us know what's going on inside the body in detail. I have horrible thoughts. I couldn't work out what was taking so long and put it down to the doctor being young and inexperienced. My partner really wanted me to, and by that time I had no sense of what was right or what I should do. And my husband, we never got to sit next to each other in the consulting room, my husband was across the room from me, and I was sat next to the consultant, and we were laughing and joking with him about, you know, the home delivery, and everything was going to be, 'Are you still on for the home delivery?' The results come in stages. And the next day we went back to the hospital and we had another scan with a specialist, and he confirmed it was a condition called holoprosencephaly, which I'd never heard of any of these words before, they were just such long words. Many parents were shocked by findings from the 20-week and later scans. And you know, we were laughing and joking. It was exactly like the labour I had with my first child. The nursery I had selected for our two-year-old son; my maternity leave; the bunk beds; the summer holiday suitable for a newborn baby. You do not have to have the scan. You will then be asked to raise your top to your chest and lower your skirt or trousers to your hips. I swallowed the tablet and we left the building. Some people had underestimated how serious any abnormality found at this stage could be for the baby. Eventually, the doctor finished the scan and said that some of the baby's measurements were very small. I guess the morphine made it easier. And it was just a bit of a shock because it's not really what you want to hear - you don't really expect that. The scan yet again confirmed things were not good, however the sac had grown. There was a very marked lack of amniotic fluid which made it difficult, not even for the scanners to see, that made the picture of the scan look very, very different. That they could have spotted something, or not? For example, the babys brain, kidneys, internal organs or bones may not have developed properly. The doctor didn't come. Those two weeks were agonising for us both. . It was horrible. So I lay on the bed and my partner sat next to me. We just couldn't use the words. The hormone levels had dropped, but they wanted to scan me again. Most scans are carried out by specially trained staff called sonographers. I did. Usually, sonographers will ask a senior sonographer colleague to confirm findings and this should be done immediately. While some parents understood the clinician's restraint - even when they had to wait an hour or more for a definite diagnosis - others disliked being kept in suspense and wanted to be told what the clinician was thinking. It is a noise that will stay with me for ever. Went back a week later for the scan and, you were with me for this one, weren't you? No one else ever met the object of my grief. The people who did know what was going on seemed far too sure that we were doing the right thing, that there was really no choice to be made. And of course some other measurements she needed to take like the width of the skull, which she couldn't take because the fetus was in the wrong position. But it's bloody hard being miserable the whole time. Health professionals use the 18-20 week scan to examine the baby's size and position, and also to check if his/her brain, heart, lungs and other internal organs are developing as expected. Read full disclaimer. I have a terrible hatred of pregnant women and a new respect for infertile couples. Never being able to look after himself. We must have had one before that as well, we must have had one before that, but it came back quite normal. Picture every packed football staduim up and down the country - all healthy pregnancies and births. And thank God I did. 15/02/2014 08:02. I would be put to sleep, and when I woke up I wouldn't be pregnant any more. I returned to be told they wanted to scan me again, another internal to see exactly what was happening. So I no longer trusted my instincts. I think the whole experience has made me a pretty nasty person. He started to scan me with a cold expression, then told me, 'it didn't look good' and that 'my womb looked raggedy'. So we hid in our house. This is not what I imagined pregnancy to feel like', Baby Loss Awareness Week - Voice Five - Bryony Seabrook. I think I don't everything just seems a real blur because it was, it was such a strange experience. Within it are a number of recommendations for the communication of findings from ultrasounds. I was told this was common as my body and hormones still thought I was pregnant. The rarest scenario is that the baby is severely ill and choices will need to be made. Laura miscarried her twin babies in February. The 18-20 week antenatal scan and further tests, Ending the pregnancy for family & personal reasons, Deciding whether to see, hold and name the baby, Photographs and other mementoes of the baby, Saying goodbye to the baby - services & funerals, Coping with bereavement - women's experiences, Coping with bereavement - men's experiences, Men's ideas about their role in ending a pregnancy. She didn't say at the time that it was a major problem or that it was something to watch out for. And at the end of the day however much we talked about it - that it was going to be the two of us to make the decision and me to actually you know, go through it and decide that that was what was going to happen for him - and I just, I didn't want to do it. So carried on with the plans, and, you know, planning for the, another baby to come along and then we went for a 20- week scan which is obviously the big one and very exciting, seeing all the arms and legs and once again everything was going fine, 'Look here's the baby, here's the length of baby'. You may need to have a full bladder when you come for the appointment. No, we really didn't, with hindsight we probably should have, but not at all, it never occurred to us to be worried about it. She advised I be referred to the EPU to be assessed. You've had your, you know, you've had your triple test and everything was fine. By my own hand, I had to end the pregnancy. You've had, you've had your Down's Syndrome check and that's okay. The same unique expression he had when he saw our two year old born. As I left the room to compose myself. Try to relax and take it easy. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, midwife or hospital immediately. And I couldn't escape the feeling that I was being selfish. Surely he couldn't have missed anything else that is so serious x. Originally I hadn't wanted to go down that road. Eventually, the midwife said to us very sweetly, "I think we should deliver the baby now." Immediately I knew what decision we should take. Abortion has never raised any moral dilemmas for me and I am an atheist, so there are no religious issues. She endured many agonising rounds of scans and tests, and unfortunately met with some unhelpful attitudes from some healthcare professionals. It doesn't remove the guilt, but I don't know what else to do. What would we like to do with the body? The doctor wanted to do another blood test to confirm a significant drop in my hormone levels. I give obsessively to charity, especially those linked to sick children. Our baby was beautiful. And it was Christmas Eve and at the time I didn't think, the sonographer did spend a little bit of time scanning us and queried my dates several times and then explained that she couldn't quite see the baby's heart properly and would we come back in a couple of days? Slightly marked from our peers. I felt sad, but not the complete devastation of the last scan as they had seen a change of some sort. But worse was to come. I think I was about 20 weeks cos they, the hospital I think did the 12 and the 20, that was their standard thing and, yeah, so I got the 20 weeks one. This scan takes place between 18 weeks and 20 weeks 6 days of pregnancy and is commonly called the 20-week scan. Mumsnet carries some affiliate marketing links, so if you buy something through our posts, we may get a small share of the sale (more details here), tbh, they never give you good news at scans. I mean the lady who was scanning was very quiet for a long time. All the hopes, dreams, and plans we made with our little bumps has been taken away from us. Very occasionally this second scan cannot be completed, for example because: In this case you will not be offered another screening scan but you will offered an all over physical examination for your baby after birth. And that was Monday afternoon. But everything seemed fine and we'd been sitting waiting to see the consultant, and I'd had an examination on the bed. So we went back the day after Boxing Day, the 27th, and the consultant greeted us, which made my alarm bells go, and she started scanning us and I think her lines were, 'What concerns me about this baby is that they've got a diaphragmatic hernia, which has meant that part of the stomach of the baby was in its chest cavity.'. And so, yeah we got to, carried on with the pregnancy, kept seeing the consultant, kept sitting in the waiting room outside, because there was a terribly long waiting time sometimes, depending on what time you had the appointment. I just feel very unlucky. To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account. DS had 2 soft markers: talipes (club foot) and 'echogenic locii' somewhere - heart I think. We left for home feeling completely numb. In most cases the scan will show that your baby appears to be developing as expected but sometimes a condition is found or suspected. And everybody knows and everything is right. I had an appointment with my consultant 2 days later, and again he said, you know, 'Very common - shouldn't worry about it too much, you know, if, the problem is if they find anything else wrong'. I went away and came back, and she couldn't get a good picture. We had the same conversation, but obviously were not making any sense to her at all. The first result, which tells you if the baby has Down's syndrome, is ready in three days, but the other chromosomal problems cannot be eliminated for up to three weeks. Forcing my hand to my mouth to take the tablet was probably the hardest thing I have ever done. I then had to wait in the room along with many other patients for an hour so they could observe me. And they took me into another room. I had to take a tablet there and then, under the supervision of a nurse, to end the pregnancy. But you know I knew we had, we had to make a decision that was right for the baby as well. Yeah, yeah. And so this one can't tell you anything, it's pictures, you're going, you're going to see your baby, you're going to get pictures. I know it is still early days. All pregnant women should be given the booklet by their midwife or GP Screening tests for you and your baby by Public Health England, which gives detailed information about the types of scan offered and what they are looking for. And the local hospital wanted to send us off to the regional hospital to actually confirm that, and were not really prepared to say at that time that there was something very seriously wrong. Sometimes women were told that the sonographer had found a 'marker' or sign of a chromosomal condition and had to wait for an amniocentesis to confirm the findings. And as soon as she said those words, both of us were like, 'Well what's wrong?'. Again the legs were quite twisted, they said that the baby's sternum was very short - things weren't in proportion you know - the head was quite large, the neck was very thick, there wasn't really like a neck as such it was just things were kind of - there were lots of things that obviously the consultant could see that we weren't aware of. At first the closeness came through a sense of guilt. Is it the same scan or is it the same equipment? You will be able to discuss this with your midwife or consultant. It was real. There is always a chance that a baby may be born with a health issue that scans could not have identified. Our week-by-week PREGNANCY emails are a must for parents-to-be. I had a horrible feeling of relief. Wishing to be anywhere, but here being told the same agonising truth over and . And attribute some blame to them. Hugely upset that to think that the baby was so poorly. It is also sometimes referred to as the mid-pregnancy scan . Rather sharply, my partner tried to explain. You know there's always that bit on the bottom of the thing, 'These are diagnostics, do not bring other children,' - blah, blah, blah.. it's not, you know, it's not a family outing kind of thing, but it feels like it. Specialist scans For instance a couple who knew their baby was 'on the small size' were told he was fine at the 18-20 week scan, but discovered at 32 weeks that he had microcephaly. After the triple test you stop thinking, you stop thinking that anything can go wrong. I used to think the feeling of your baby kicking inside you and the sight of a foot poking against your skin were the most fantastic things in the world. And, so they sent me home at that stage because they said the specialist wasn't available till the following day, which was awful. The "why me?" And I wish that I'd been told at that point, that somebody had actually turned round to me and said, 'Look, I'm sorry, but I think there's something very wrong. Tommys is a registered charity in England and Wales (1060508) and Scotland (SC039280). It wasn't measuring at all the right measurements for the age - there was a heart defect, the limbs were sort of distorted, the arms were, you know - you could see that the arms were very sort of contracted, the hands were contracted. He looked fine. Mumsnet carries some affiliate marketing links, so if you buy something through our posts, we may get a small share of the sale (more details here). News stories, speeches, letters and notices, Reports, analysis and official statistics, Data, Freedom of Information releases and corporate reports. I had to wait for a doctor to explain the situation. The baby was very, very small. Some things can be seen more clearly than others. This short video explains screening for 11 physical conditions in pregnancy. It was, 'Oh we'll come back to that'. So obviously quite relaxed. . However, a few hours later there was another shift change. My partner went out with him, wanting to see him. Some say this estimate is really below the reality, and the out-of-pocket average costs are higher. And nothing prepares you at all. And I said, I was still laughing, and I thought he was joking with me, and he said now I sort of could tell from his face that by that point he wasn't really joking anymore. The first words I said were: "If there's anything wrong then it's my fault", I had been working 70, nearly 80 hours the previous weeks and pushed myself hard. Maybe our son would have overcome his problems, survived his illnesses, led a happy life. We talked about the different sorts of pain relief I could have and I opted for a morphine drip, which I could control. And there [sighs] was a very dark patch over one, where the eye socket was, and they didn't know it, in the Edward's babies sometimes the eyes don't develop properly, or it might have been bleeding, they weren't very sure. My belly was growing and I was feeling great. I came back probably about 17 weeks pregnant and had the anomaly scan at 20 weeks and like most people expected everything to be fine and to come away with a lovely picture but unfortunately that isn't what happened. I give pregnant women dirty looks. Christmas came and went in a blur of emotion, it felt so wrong to be celebrating when we were in such turmoil. I should stop being dramatic and pessimistic. The blood test confirmed it was twins. We were convinced everything would be OK. The next day, it was confirmed that my bloods had again dropped. The following is a quote from their report: If the scan reveals either a suspected or confirmed abnormality, the woman should be informed by the sonographer at the time of the scan. Then I picked myself up. I had never imagined having an amniocentesis. During the examination, sonographers need to keep the screen in a position that gives them a good view of your baby. As I lay down, and the sonographer started, I could see there was something wrong. Just doing it. Could you tell? But at the 20 week scan, which was on a Wednesday, we saw the nurse at the local hospital, the sonographer, and she did a scan and she found that the femur length was quite short in the, in the fetus. Thanks girls, it's amazing how protected our babies are in there isn't it?! Perhaps because we are alone in this, it has brought my partner and me very close. As I was called for my scan I was nervous and emotional. Baby loss stories He sounded like a wild animal in pain, deep pain. So it was, there was very, very little movement from the baby because I remembered first time round by that stage, you know, that the baby was quite big and it moved around a lot at a later scan. I believed at this point I had miscarried, they wanted me to come back I'm for a follow up scan. I ran into the bedroom to tell Sam, who was ecstatic. Health professionals use the 18-20 week scan to examine the baby's size and position, and also to check if his/her brain, heart, lungs and other internal organs are developing as expected. And I, and, I felt the weight of deciding what to do about it. It was all going wrong and I wanted to get as far away from the hospital as possible. We went, I went in to the scanning room and they're quite bland facially anyway, whether everything's fine or not they just look at the screen to start off with and do measurements but I very quickly realised that the woman's demeanour wasn't, even for a bland face, was concerning. No sort of questions about, 'Do you want to know whether it's a boy or a girl?'

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